Mental Health Check-in Oct 1, 2020

I just couldn’t stay away from writing today. It’s October again, and it’s the birth month of my late fiance, Randy. Normally I’d feel pretty down but things have changed a bit for me. There are people in my life now, and people that have been in my life for a long time, that have really given me a hand up over the past year so far.

Before I woke up this year I was in a malaise of depression. I would spend hours upon hours in bed every day without the drive to be able to convince myself that I shouldn’t be tired still. I thought maybe something was wrong with me physically, but I didn’t really care. If I was going to die soon I wouldn’t have minded.

That changed, and out of the respect for the people that have been helping me, I’ll leave them out of my ramblings. I still sleep a lot but I’ve gotten myself back into some old hobbies like guitar, and most obviously, writing.

I felt a bit angry when I read several reviews for a black metal album that complained about the quality of their newest album. I thought it sounded great but apparently, I’m damn near alone in that area. I just thought to myself, “It’s like complaining that your steak tartar is too rare.” Yeah, it can be, but still, you should have known what to expect. This will be the third or fourth time I’ve written about this so I’ll leave it at that.

The point of my bringing this up again is that sitting down and actually writing about what was bothering me not only helped me process those feelings but it helped me get a tiny sense of self-worth back. That balloon had been steadily inflating over the last few months but still. I look around Medium and I see a lot of people prospering through the merit of their words. I’d love to do the same. The thing that is so striking to me is that even here with all of these other great writers I still see their humanity in the form of spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes. I still feel like I have a lot to learn though, and I can’t wait to read more and more of the great content here on Medium.

Overall right now things are looking really good mentally for me. I’m excited about the future for once, I have a goal, and I have a lot of people around me that love me. So once again, and for the last time welcome to my medium… page… account… blog, or whatever you want to call it. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you again really soon.